Hope in the Darkness

In life, there are many hurdles to go through. Sometimes, it feels like you can’t get past the hurdle. So you keep trying and trying, but your strength and momentum slowly start to dissipate. In the end, you still have that stumbling block that you even haven’t crossed yet, and it’s getting painful. That is the point where you want to give up. So you tell yourself that it is too much for me to bear, so you decide that you want to give up.

The prophet Elijah found himself in the exact spot of despair. “So he said [to God], “I have been very zealous for the Lord God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left, and they seek to take my life.”, 1st Kings 19:10. Elijah was at such a low point in his life that he asked God to take his life. He couldn’t bear living it anymore. “But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he prayed that he might die, and said, “It is enough! Now, Lord, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!”, 1st Kings 19:4. Elijah was in a place of desolation because he was running away from the people who were trying to take his life and felt like everyone else abandoned God.

There was a time in my own life when I couldn’t handle the pain anymore. My parents were going through a bitter divorce. I was caught in an addiction that left me low and dry. I wasn’t myself; I felt like a shell. I felt like the world could do better off without me. So one Sunday morning, my mother, sister, and I were on our way to church, and I told myself that it wasn’t fair for me to live anymore. I was going to commit suicide before the end of the day. So I thought of multiple ways to do it—finally settled on one before we got to the church parking lot.

The music of the choir hit my ears as I settled into the pew. I didn’t want to shake the feeling of despair. I didn’t want to sing and give my worship to God. But as the music kept playing, God was softening the hard places of my heart. He was stitching all the broken pieces of my heart back together. By the last song, I was in tears; I didn’t want to go through with the suicide plan because God reminded me that He had more in store for me than I could ever dream of.

Like myself, God wants to remind you that He has more for you than you could ever dream of. You have a place in this world. What you are going through is just temporary. In Elijah’s case, God revealed himself to Elijah and reminded him of his purpose. If you feel like you can’t take the next step, I want to encourage you to find solace in God. Find people in your life that you can confide in. Going through a time of despair is hard, but let God heal you of the cracks in your heart. The place of emptiness is where God can turn it into something beautiful. Like a peace lily that grows from a place of darkness. So don’t give up; you are much needed in the world.